It's Mother's Day! I had grand intentions of busting up in here with a post about Mom. I was going to thank my mother for being the one that picked up the trash we hid in cushions, who washed all our clothes and made our dinner. The mom that painted my toes when I was in a hospital bed, who took care of my own son when I was unable to. I had intentions of blabbering on about What The Boy thinks of me and to include a drawing of Me as a Lego Ninjago as depicted by The Boy just this afternoon. But what I think I will do instead is leave a gem from 2009. It touched my heart today and I hope it touches yours, too.
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Originally posted September 2009:
Wednesday night after church we caught every single
red light on the ride home. This means Prime Thinking and Talking time
for The Boy.
Him: Mommy? I
keep praying and praying for a brother and Jesus keeps saying no. And
Daddy said it was because your body is broken. Why did your body break?
Me: (pause thinking do we really have to have this conversation now?) Well I got sick when I was at the hospital when you were born.
Him: But HOW did you get sick?
Me: I got an infection. (As soon as I said it I knew the next question)
Him: What's an Infection?
Me: When you get a germ and it makes you really really sick. I almost died and went to heaven but then I got better.
Him: But if you died then I wouldn't have a mommy. And that would be sad.
Me: But I didn't die and you do have a mommy. But my body is broken and you can't have a brother.
Him: But HOW do you know it is broken?
Me: Because the doctor told.
Him: But HOW did he sound when he said it.
Me: (wondering why this conversation tonight) He just sounded like a doctor son. He just said "I'm sorry but there isn't anything we can do you're broken"
Him: But I really just wanted a baby.
And then he starts to cry. And, well, my heart breaks. But he quickly stops.
Him: Mommy is heaven just beyond the clouds?
Me: What?
Him: Is heaven higher then the clouds and right before the outer space?
Me: Heaven
is where Jesus is baby. I don't exactly know Where it is and you can't
See it until your battery dies and you go live with Jesus.
Him: I
think it is higher than the clouds and right before the outer space and
the meteors. And you know what mommy? I am going to get me a rocket
ship and I am going to fly up to heaven and you know what I am going to
do? I am going to find Jesus. And I am going to talk to him. And I am
going to ask Him where my baby brother is.
Me: Are
you now. Well baby God knows what is best for you and it isn't always
what you think is the best for you. Just because you want something
doesn't mean it is the best thing.
Him: Mommy is that my verse for next week?
Me: Um No.
Him: Then can you tell me that one more time please?
Me:
Just because you want something doesn't mean it is the best thing. God
knows what is best. And right now he thinks it is best for it to be is a
Mommy, a Daddy and you.
Him: Yeah. But I still want that crazy baby.
And
what I wish I could do a million times over is grant that one wish the
little boy who wants to get on his rocket ship to fly to Jesus wants.
But, you see, these? These are the conversations I am having with my 5 year old.
And I can't help but think to myself that someday?
Someday this little boy is going to do great things.
